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Monday, September 28, 2009

Time to move on....

Today was a strange day, to say the least.

After a great service last night for our pastor, and even a great morning service at which my husband-to-be gave the message, today was a day of true tests.

I awoke this morning in a very drowzy state and as I stumble fuzzily around my room, my mother poked her head in my room and said "Emily* died."
Emily* was my half sister. She was about 5 years older than I and about 3 years older than my brother. And I had no realtionship with her other than we shared the same father. I had seen her before and had once answered a phone call she made to threaten my mom, but I didn't have a bond with her. And that bothered me.

Now that she is tragically gone at such a young age, I am mad at myself. I wanted to get to know her, even though there were rocky roads between our two families. I wanted her to know that my father is a good man, a great man. That if her mother had done differently, she could have been welcome in our family. I wanted to just have one conversation if that was all I could get. But that opportunity is gone and the door to those things has been closed. My deepest regret is not seizing the moment. So as I title this post "Time to move on...", I'm proclaiming that there will be no more waiting and wondering if the time is right. Too many times I wanted to reach out to her and too many times I backed down. I've learned through many lessons that we have to use the time we have while we still have it. The time has begun for me to make some moves, even if they are scary, difficult, or uncomfortable.

Carpe Diem

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